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missing the point

there’s a long article in this morning’s new york times about gay marriage. it seems that groups such as lambda legal are backing off pushing for gay marriage in the courts so they can try to regain rights taken away in the 11 states that passed anti-marriage amendments during this past election.

again with the pragmatism.

i suppose in some context this makes sense. their logic goes: if they continue to go for the whole gay marriage enchilada in courts, they risk provoking the country into actually passing an amendment to the american constitution.

once again though, we as a community are assuming the worst in people and pandering to the lowest common denominator. and that irritates me.

it also irritates me that canada is so far ahead of us on this issue. as was noted in an article i read this morning, the united states just got around to striking down anti-sodomy laws last year, at the same time that canada was starting to let gays actually marry.

everyone laughs at canada. canada has much more basis to be laughing at us, along with a lot of the rest of the world, of course. it’s not like i’m yet at the point where i’m ready to move there, but it is galling to think that i can drive two-ish hours north and be in a legally open and accepting country. while here, i’m still worried about whether i can go to ohio.

as i’ve said earlier, ohio’s amendment went much further than others did. they actually rescinded legal arrangements approximating marriage, which i assume means that the powers-of-attorney that kirk and i have are invalid in ohio.

i assume.

but does this article from the vaunted new york times clarify that? it does not.

does the lambda legal website clarify that? it does not.

did a call to the lamba legal hotline clarify that? it did not.

in the times article, there’s a link to a lovely (he says sarcastically) map showing which of the 50 states have passed anti-marriage laws or amendments.

there are 41 states that have done so. i already knew that.

what i want to know, and what no one seems to be able to tell me, or what no one seems to even be addressing, is what that all means in the real world. if i go to ohio with kirk and i get sick, can he see me in the hospital? can he make decisions about my care, using the rights i have tried at great expense to give him?

who the hell knows? i’m all for keeping an eye on the big picture, but sometimes the people on the ground who are living the reality need a bit of useful information, information that despite some effort on my part is not forthcoming. and i wish that all of these groups that are fighting for my rights (for which i thank them) would get their heads out of the clouds long enough to let me know, state by state, where in this country i can safely travel.

sad to say, but a map showing me where in america our travel papers are valid is information i could use.

why does that sentence not outrage more people? i’m a taxpaying american who cannot safely travel to large parts of my own country, but i don’t know where those parts are.

so i’ll just stay in new york and hope for the best when i go elsewhere.

but there aren’t going to be very many elsewheres for me. not in this country, anyway.

and definitely no elsewheres in ohio.

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