getting younger

i’m getting younger.

well, give me a chance to explain before you laugh. I guess i should say i’ve decided to get younger. well, no, that doesn’t work either.

i can’t will myself into reversing the aging process. but i’ve started thinking like an old person. not all the time, and not on all subjects, but enough that i’ve noticed.

and this morning i was ipod-less on the train to work, and reading a time magazine article on bob dylan, or more precisely, on martin scorcese’s new movie about bob dylan, and, being ipod-less, started daydreaming in a free-association kind of way. being without my usual noisy earplug distraction and all.

so first i thought about bob dylan, and which songs i liked. then i thought about my favorite bob dylan quote, “he who is not busy being born is busy dying.” and then i thought about my other favorite bob dylan quote (i’m allowed to have more than one), “i was so much older then; i’m younger than that now.” and then i wondered if dylan joined those two sentences with a semicolon or committed comma-splicing.

not really. i thought about that just now.

then i thought about how those two quotes are really two sides of the same coin. this morning. i thought about that.

and i started thinking about how i’ve always been cynical but used to be only outwardly so. i used to be cynical in that light humorous way about incongruities and oddnesses and such. now i’m just plain cynical.

for instance, kirk and i are going to see rasputina tonight. i should be excited, because we rarely go to concerts anymore, and it’s at maxwell’s in hoboken, new jersey, a place i’ve always wanted to go.

maxwell’s, that is. not necessarily hoboken. i’d rather maxwell’s were on 50th st. and 6th avenue, so i could just walk downstairs to it, but it’s not, so there you are. or rather, there i am. or will be.

and the last concert i saw was utah phillips, who is certainly cool and hip, but kirk and i dragged down the median age by several years.

and, given that i used to be a nightclub dj and literally lived for music and saw different bands six or seven nights a week, i should be all excited about going tonight, to this cool place, to see this cool band.

but no. i’m detached and cynical. i make fun of going to hoboken. i laugh with my co-worker about seeing the hot women play alternative music on their cellos. that’s what rasputina is.

there was a time when my attitude would have been, “cool, rasputina. hoboken, never been there. let’s go. adventure time.”

and i’m mentally going to go back to that time. that’s my goal, going forward.

to get a little younger each day.