we’ll do chicago

the subject, by the way, is a somewhat obscure judy garland reference. i can be a big queen when i choose to.

we saw brooke shields in chicago last night. the play, not the city.

and lived to tell the tale.

i don’t say that because of brooke shields, because she was really great. i say that because of the idiots i was forced to sit near.

i know this is probably an obvious and tired subject, but i find worthwhile every little effort that contributes to the eradication of bad manners in public places. and no bad manners are more annoying than those displayed during performances of live theater.

when you see a broadway play, you are not in your living room. it is not acceptable to talk during the performance. no reason to talk is acceptable. none whatsoever. if you are having a heart attack, you can damn well just motion wildly.

and it is not acceptable to turn on your cell phone to see if you have any messages.

and it is not acceptable to use your blackberry to send a quick email.

and it is not acceptable to unwrap your fucking peppermints. do that before the show starts.

honest to god. have we really arrived at a place where adults need to be reminded to act like adults? the asshole women i was seated behind last night, eight of them, were the most annoying group of people i have ever seen in public.

they did all of the above. repeatedly. and ignored entreaties to shut the fuck up. i’m glad i’m tall, because i could see over their hair, which would have been difficult for some patrons.

and then, the piece de resistance. three-quarters of the way through the last number of the show, we’re talking not more than two minutes from the end of the show, they stand up to leave. and it takes an eternity for them to waddle past the people seated on the aisle. so i missed the end of the fucking show.

hey bitches. the tunnels to new jersey will still be open if you wait until the end of the show to leave.

honest to god, they were the worst. the other people seated behind me and to the side of me, who merely talked sporadically and who i normally would have whispered something to, were barely noticeable by comparison.

and it’s a shame, because as i said, brooke shields was pretty damn good. she played velma kelly, and she was a good singer and a great physical comedienne and a damn sight better dancer than the rest of the supposed broadway professionals in the chorus, who needed to have ann reinking and a bullhorn whip them into crisp bob-fosse-type shape.

kirk’s theory, which is probably a good one, is that all the participatory theater on and off broadway is contributing to the degradation of manners in theaters in general. in other words, yelling at tim curry on the movie screen in a midnight showing of rocky horror is one thing. yelling at tom hewitt in the circle in the square theater performance of rocky horror is another altogether.

anyway, please please please. i know this is shouting into the void, or pissing into the wind, or whatever. but have some consideration. think where you are. it all doesn’t revolve around you and your needs.

at the movies would be nice.

at a live theater performance, it’s essential.