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stealing my subway sub

which, by the way, i didn’t do, but got accused of this morning.

i should explain.

i’m famous among those who know me for my even temper when dealing with customer service issues. i’m pretty good at getting what i want from customer service people, and the first rule of dealing with them is to never lose your temper. if you do, you give them an excuse to ignore you, hang up on you, or ask you to leave.

anyway, this morning i went on an errand to the post office, and took my subway stamps to get a free sub. it takes eight stamps to get a free sub, or what used to be a free sub but now they make you buy a drink for $1.25 which costs them next to nothing, so they probably break even on the sandwich. and they have stopped giving out stamps, but they are still honoring them.

and i had six stamps, and a card signed by an employee in the spaces where i would have had stamps, except that on that day they had run out of stamps, so they gave me that.

but as far as i was concerned, i had eight stamps.

just to be safe, i asked the counter person on the way in if they still took the stamps. yes, was the answer, but looking at what i brought in, the guy said, “we can’t take this, because it’s not all stamps.”

i explained that the store, this very store, was out of stamps that day, so this is what i got instead of stamps. he wouldn’t budge.

so i asked for the manager, and nicely reiterated my problem. her response?

“this isn’t an employee’s initials–you must have done this yourself.”

now, i’ve been accused of doing many things i didn’t do. and i’ve done tons of things i’m not proud of. but i guarantee you that i’m not going to forge a set of initials on a subway card to fraudently obtain a $5 sandwich i can afford any day of the week. and something about being accused of that, by an obviously idiotic store manager, just triggered a reaction.

i asked her, rather loudly i admit, if she was accusing me of trying to steal a $5 sandwich. she said nothing.

so, after a few awkward moments of silence, i let her have it. man did i really let her have it. it was about ten in the morning, so there were only a couple of employees. but they both stopped serving their customers to watch this guy tear their boss a new asshole.

and i did. i’m not especially proud of it.

who am i kidding? i’m damn proud of it. who does she think she is? suffice it to say she got a lecture on the proper way to deal with a customer, and a run down of all the dining options i had in the rock center concourse, and a detailed description of my recent visits and the sandwiches i had purchased, and the members of my family who were former subway employees (that would be my ex, caitlin), and other choice details too numerous to list. i didn’t curse, though. i know better.

it took me about two minutes, i’d guess. the guys behind the counter had smiles on their faces, so i’m guessing they can’t stand her either. i’m happy to have given them a couple of minutes of vicarious enjoyment.

my final question to her was, “do i get my sandwich or not?” knowing i wouldn’t–i know enough about customer service issues to know that i’d passed that point long ago. i got my no, and i walked out, leaving her with my six stamps and the signed card.

will i patronize subway in general again? of course–it’s a fine company and i like their sandwiches. they are a somewhat healthier alternative to crappy fast food. and each subway is franchisee-owned, so the problem i had here doesn’t carry over to other locations.

will i go to that particular subway franchise again?

what do you think? my high dudgeon will last quite a while.

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