things that have recently made me cranky

the old guy sitting next to me at “grey gardens” wednesday night made me very cranky. first of all, though he was ancient and practically bald, he still had a ponytail. bad form. when we were going to our seats, before i knew i was sitting next to him, i overheard him complaining about his seats to the usher. well, dude, you bought them. did you not know where they were when you bought them? it’s your damn fault that your seats are where they are. man up. take responsibility.

so kirk and i sat down, and he followed us into the row and sat next to me. great. and throughout the show, he kept passing gas. very smelly gas. and he was constantly poking his bony-ass elbow into my side, way past the armrest and halfway into my seat. i finally had to whisper “excuse me”, which got his elbow at least back onto the armrest.

do people have no clue of how they are acting in public? talk about breaking the social contract. come on, clueless usher-torturing bony-elbowed bad-ponytailed fart man. get a grip.

this morning i got cranky as well. every week or so, i treat myself to a grease-bomb burger king breakfast. i get an egg-and-cheese croissanwich meal (comes with tater tots, and a diet coke) for $2.70–it’s a splurge for me, monetarily and dietarily. but i like it, and i never go to mcdonalds, because they stupidly charge extra for the diet coke, making the equivalent meal well over $4. and i hate the log-o-hash browns. that big solid plank of potato is very unappetizing. give me individual tots anytime.

but i digress.

this morning, i go to burger king for my breakfast. there’s a roped off line to get in, but these two loudmouth idiots at the front of the line aren’t in it. they evidently can’t be bothered to walk the extra 10 feet. so they stand just outside the ropes, waiting for the guy currently at the register to finish, so they can push past all the people who have already ordered and are waiting for their food.

and since they aren’t in line, the rest of us aren’t queued up nicely, but are forced into a clump around them. though, being good people, we’ve all mentally noted who got there first and so on. you can tell with some people that they get it, and with others that they are idiots.

and there’s only one person who works the burger king counter in the morning, so it’s not the most speedy process in the best of circumstances. add to that the general slowness of new york fast food (it’s unbelievably slow, but you get used to it), and we all are waiting our turn in a confused mass of humanity.

and the two guys who can’t line up are waiting as well. and talking. loudly. very very loudly. so i have to listen to their inane conversation about their boring ass life, because they are so loud that i don’t have a choice.

and it is finally their turn. and they ignore the roped-off line, push past the people waiting for their food, and get to the counter.

and look up at the menu board, and one of them says. says.

“now let’s see here, what do you have for breakfast?”

dammit, dammit, dammit. you’ve been standing there for at least three minutes. could you not have looked up and decided what the flying fuck you wanted for breakfast? no. you have to make me wait even longer, because you are an idiot.

and most times, i would have let it go. but this time, i muttered under my breath, “oh for chrissakes”.

at least i thought it was under my breath.

it wasn’t as under my breath as i thought.

everyone in the non-line turned around and looked at me. and then turned around and looked at him.

and, to his credit, he immediately said, “i’ll have a number seven”.

and now i feel bad, a little bit. i need to be less cranky. i need to be more zen.

who knows why the old guy farted so much?

maybe this guy hadn’t seen the guy he was with for a while, and got excited, and forgot to formulate his burger king order.

i need to work on not letting little things bug me so much. in the end, if you have perspective, they aren’t what matter.