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the guy with the hard-on at the gym

the title pretty much says it all.

now i’m not a prude, although i admit to being pretty wasp-y. and i know it’s a natural function, and shit happens, and whatnot.

but really. what’s going on here?

my gym is filled to the brim with guys that, trust me, even if were inclined to take a gander, which i nearly always am not, you would not want to be looking at their crotches.

i’m 42, and i’m substantially dragging down the median age. nothing to see there. move along.

plus, just in general, i’m not in junior high, and i’m a mature healthy adult, and i’m in a relationship, and i’m not there to flirt or pick up anyone. i work out, i chat occasionally with whoever is at the next locker, and i go to work.

most times in the locker room i have my towel around me, and when i’m dressing i don’t. some guys eschew the towel altogether. that’s cool–that’s their prerogative. basically sometimes i’m naked in the locker room, in the natural flow of things, but frankly it’s just not a sexual atmosphere to me.

evidently some people have other ideas.

i was minding my own business on tuesday, walking from the shower to my locker, with a towel around me, when walking the other way on the other side of the lockers is naked-guy-wielding-a-hard-on.

and naked-guy-wielding-a-hard-on has no towel and is strolling along like he’s on the boardwalk at coney island or something. except that he’s naked at coney island, and his nathan’s hot dog is out of its bun.

you couldn’t help but notice him. really. everyone did.

and naked-guy-wielding-a-hard-on went to his locker, and started getting dressed like nothing was out of the ordinary at all. really it’s none of my business, and i ultimately don’t care except that it’s an interesting situation to think (and write) about.

but i’ll admit i’m a bit confused about his motives, or lack thereof.

he didn’t seem to be sexual about it at all. he seemed just to have gotten a spontaneous erection in the shower or something, which has never happened to me, but if it did, i’d stay in the shower stall until it subsided. and instead of staying in the shower until it subsided, naked-guy-wielding-a-hard-on chose to go on about his business. wielding.

um, good for him? it’s not a sexual atmosphere? and it’s not a sexual hard-on? and he’s comfortable with his body? and it meant nothing?


um, what a creepy guy? isn’t it obvious that he was trying to score in the locker room? is he some kind of maladjusted closet case? or is he just so horny that he’ll shamelessly show it off hoping anyone at all will oblige him?


i’m sure many reading this will find me a bit too philistine about this. or a bit too puritanical. or a bit too naive. so be it. i am what i am, as jerry herman indirectly said.

i just want to work out in peace. i didn’t see naked-guy-wielding-a-hard-on for the rest of the week.

i’m kinda glad.

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