Cruise

I thought I wouldn’t like cruise ships because of the rush to and from destinations. I like solo travel that’s unstructured and less pressured. But initially, confronted with a constant waterfall of activities, I dealt with the deeply sad feeling that everyone else was having more fun somehow. 

This was more about personal insecurity than anything else. A bump on the road to being my own best friend.

A beloved essay came to mind my first afternoon onboard. Curious that it didn’t while booking and paying for and planning the cruise. I read it in an attempt to sort out my feelings, and, in that moment, I thought David Foster Wallace was exactly right, and explained it better than I could ever hope to. This is a supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again.  I kept imagining I was Dorothy Parker, hoping that someone would ask me what I’m reading, so I could be ironically witty or vaguely offputting, but no one did. This was likely because I was reading it on my phone. When I later read a physical book, everyone asked. 

As I was to learn, nearly everyone onboard cruises all the time. This, they say, is my eighth Virgin cruise and fourteenth overall. I’m back to back cruising and I started in Portsmouth. That sort of thing. And there follows a lot of self-justification through shared groupthink. Virgin is the best cruise line. I absolutely agree because. My room is the best to have because. I do this. I never do that. You are right, who ever would? Actually saying to someone “this is my first cruise, and I’m thinking it’s a supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again” would have been an arrow directly into their carefully curated logic. Your choice of cruise line is your football team, your political alignment. 

And, as my opinion morphed a few times, it was probably best that I didn’t make myself an immediate weird pariah. I’m glad I gave myself time to process the experience, rather than having a hot take and sticking with it. 

It took a few days to find my lane, and a little self-confidence. A lot of veteran cruisers were absolutely gobsmacked that I had chosen a thirteen night cruise to start with. Nearly everyone, they said, tries a long weekend. But I think for me, the long haul was a good choice. The arc of the time spent put me past my initial reactions.  Somewhat akin to language immersion. Three nights on a boat would not have done that. 

It’s true that cruising is a shared brotherhood, and a lot of people know each other from other cruises. And to some degree that’s a hill I could choose to climb with a lot of time (I have) and money (I don’t have).  So, rather than trying to crack the cool kids club, I reframed the time as a continuation of the being my own best friend project. 

I settled into somewhat of a routine. Hardly anyone gets up early. So I could have a couple of hours of self-focus to start my day. Get a coffee, sit in the Sip Lounge (no one there drinking champagne at 7am), do some reading, do some writing.  In general, especially on sea days, hordes are everywhere, solid walls of people. And always, overly cheerful people constantly saying hello. Kirk would have jumped overboard. My mornings became an antidote to that. In Sip Lounge mornings, I could have pleasant exchanges with the few people I encountered, and ramp up to the onslaught of extroversion. Such as everybody talking to everybody on the elevators, a clear breach of the social contract.

Days were spent sometimes in the gym, sometimes doing activities, having meals with my friends James, Susan, and Victor from Cuenca, reading my book, writing (I found this atmosphere especially conducive for that), napping, and generally chilling. It eventually became relaxing. Once I stopped worrying about having fun I found that I did. 

Evenings were an early dinner after the LGBTQ happy hour, sometimes an evening show, and frequently going to bed early. Well, late for me, and early compared to most people on the ship. 

Eventually, I found my lane. 

INTERESTING PEOPLE 

Where are you from? is a constant question. My answer of Ecuador always provokes conversation. It’s an easy jumping off point. 

Kew Gardens gave you a choice of homemade zipper pulls when she met you. I chose “QUEEN” which amused her. She said that if we got to know each other better, she might choose to give me different and better gifts. I asked her when I will be a Mega Rockstar, which is Virgin lingo for the highest level of sailor, which is Virgin lingo for a passenger on the ship. Later I got the upgrade, my choice of crystals on a bracelet. I choose what inspires me and she tells me what they do for you. Also sunglasses. She was charming and quirky and I always like a good quirky New Yorker. She was a great hang, as was her friend and frequent travel companion, South Carolina. 

South Carolina worked with Kew Gardens for many years until moving away from NYC. But they stayed friends, and have been traveling companions for many years. She was under the weather when I first met her, and was therefore a bit understated. But then she came around and I loved her. Vivacious and a good sense of humor. I can see why Kew Gardens likes her. 

Germany Texas openly said she speaks to different people constantly, but never for a long time and never more than once. I remarked that people are a bit like tapas for her.  This did not amuse her. But every time I saw her she initiated a slightly tipsy hug. Hugs are against protocol, as Virgin states all over the place not to touch crew members or other sailors. But I was good with it. It’s friendly and sans agenda. I’m a hugger. 

Palm Springs was a generic interchangeable man, all of whom were older and obviously wealthy, and talked about Palm Springs incessantly, or where they go to escape the clear drudgery that is Palm Springs.  They were most of the people at the nightly LGBTQ happy hour. They were generally cliquey and tiresome. 

Iowa and Iowa were two awesome guys that were the perfect antidote to Palm Springs. It was their first cruise too! And they were the beariest bears (bears are a subspecies of gay; stocky, rugged guys often with beards and body hair) you ever saw. They had planned a trip to a bear convention in Reykjavik and decided to take the cruise afterwards. They had been farmers and had such a refreshing perspective on absolutely everything. I was totally enchanted. 

Ottawa organized our little klatch into a WhatsApp group. I met Ottawa and so did Kew Gardens, but separately. And then we realized we all knew each other. There was a lot of that onboard. And from then on we’d ping each other here and there. If someone wanted to do an activity, or on port days. Very chill and very nice lady. She had a great camera with a long lens and took her time taking pictures, which I liked. I’ve fallen into the iPhone camera slot, and I kind of miss having a nice rig. But I don’t miss lugging it around, and the best camera is the one you have with you. 

San Jose was a friend of Ottawa and drifted into our group. Well traveled and easy to talk to. Dabbled in a lot of languages. She was into scaling whatever hills we encountered. Me, not so much. 

Arizona and Mrs. Arizona cruised all the time. They’d been on all the lines. They weren’t very happy with Virgin. Why? I asked. There’s not enough room between the bed and the desk. I have to squeeze through. Among other things.  First world problems, I suppose. 

Tennessee played Mexican Train dominoes with my friends. She was also with my friend Susan and I for the Miss Behave Show. I’m not particularly a game player. She definitely was. There’s an area on deck 7 where people put together puzzles and play various games. I never saw her anywhere else. Good way to pass the time if you are looking to pass time. 

Illinois was originally from Sierra Leone but had really good Spanish from her work in medical offices. We met playing lotería (see below) and after much tequila had a conversation in Spanish, which I greatly appreciated. Many weeks in Ecuador I speak much more Spanish than English, and though I had some WhatsApp conversations, I wanted to keep my Spanish top of mind and Illinois definitely helped. 

ICE was, well, I’m guessing, someone who worked for ICE. Because I’d seen him in the gym, I knew he was on our cruise. And at our St. John’s port, he was walking with a woman I assume was his wife. And they were trailed by a local woman screaming “ICE! ICE! baby killer!” at him as he walked down Water Street. And they were all trailed by two cops trying to calm the local woman down, but notably not stopping her. ICE was ignoring her completely. I have no idea if she knew what she was talking about, or if she had mental issues. 

Chicago was sitting next to me at lotería (more on that later) and I was immediately drawn to her energy and vivacity. And she was one of those people who, once you saw her, you saw everywhere. Just a lot of fun. We chatted about nothing and I enjoyed every moment of it. And she ended up next to us at dinner, with her friend Ontario. 

Ontario also gave out bracelets she made. Round ball beads, oblong beads. Alternating. Morse code. Spelling out Fuck Trump. The sweetest little old lady you ever met. Where did that come from?

Brazil was part of my Cuenca group, but I didn’t know her before the cruise. Our group was organized by two Cuenca residents, Bradley and Alex. They hosted a mixer for us a couple of months before departure, and I did meet some people there. And we had a mixer onboard about halfway through, and I met more people, including Brazil. Once on the ship, everyone naturally went their own way. And I never did really get to know too many of them. But Brazil was an early morning coffee person, so I saw her often. She was a knitter, buying different yarn in the ports and spending her sea days with her needles. 

DC was another Cuenca group member, an older gay man I’d seen around a bit but didn’t know well. I know him better now and I’m better for it. He worked for Amtrak most of his life and has a railroad retirement. That’s a good thing to have. He’s an easy guy to chat with, is interesting, and I liked him a lot. Hopefully we can hang more in Cuenca. 

Atlanta was a young woman who takes cruises with her guncles. I’ll let you decode guncles. She was solo dining and sat next to me for my second trip to The Test Kitchen, and we hit it off immediately. She was a whiskey expert and had an Insta page with a large following. So we had a lot to talk about. She’d also been on a lot of cruises on a lot of lines, and like many others, she said that she and the guncles, even though they had a lot of status with another line, were sticking with Virgin going forward. She got the cocktail pairing for the five course menu. Five cocktails later, wheeee.  I had had two Scotches, a glass of white wine, and a rosé myself, so I wasn’t far behind. It was getting toward the end of the cruise and I had bar tab to burn. 

Puerto Rico was a group that I passed and heard speaking Spanish. So I barged into their conversation, acceptable behavior on a cruise ship. I kind of wanted to make sure my spoken Spanish was staying current. I was texting a lot with Felipe, but real time Spanish is a different animal. I mainly spoke with Luis and his wife Laura. She was Venezuelan and he was Cuban. I had always thought Cubans mainly went to South Florida. But, as Luis explained, there was a community in Puerto Rico as well.  The Puerto Ricans were a large group, everyone loud, fun, and interesting. After three years living in Latin America, I’m totally fine now with large groups of people, everyone loudly talking at once and simultaneously monitoring everyone else’s conversations.  Good for the brain. 

Florida and Mrs. Florida retired to Daytona Beach. We shared bar space in a restaurant at lunchtime in Halifax. Like so many, they were converts to Virgin from other cruise lines. None of my friends were interested in getting a lobster roll for lunch. Coincidentally, the three of us were. Was it overpriced? Absolutely. Was it delicious? Absolutely. Did any of us complain? Nope. It’s a vacation. 

Mrs. Florida and Florida were also an Asian couple that lived in St. Cloud, near Disney. I was grabbing a quick lunchtime salad and there was a counter with three stools. They had left the middle stool empty and weren’t talking, so I assumed they weren’t together and asked if I could sit there. They said sure, said they were husband and wife, asked where I was from, and then peppered me with questions about Ecuador. I tried to ask them about their life, to be polite, but couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  Very nice couple. 

Orlando and I stood together on the deck at 4:30am on the last day of the cruise, as the ship passed under the Verrazano Narrows bridge and glided past the Statue of Liberty on the way to the Brooklyn cruise port. He was from Mystic, Connecticut originally and we had a nice chat about Mystic, East Haddam, the Griswold Inn, and the Goodspeed Theatre. Everyone has regrets in life and his was that he never moved to NYC. I’m glad I did. 

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS

— On the advice of one of my traveling companions I took two seasick pills before boarding, just in case. She said I’d likely never need them again. And she was right. The gentle rocking on sea days never bothered me, and it was great for sleeping. 

— My single inside cabin was like a tiny house. I loved it. Comfortable, well designed, and highly functional and efficient. Good rainfall shower. Easily put away my clothes and things and had storage to spare. There was an iPad to control the room, programmed with lighting mood presets. Without windows it was perfect for sleeping, like my personal cave. It’s a small NY studio without a kitchen space. I don’t think I would ever want a cabin with a window or a balcony. I don’t see the point as I’m only there to sleep and such. 

— My shipboard novel was Interesting People by Halldór Laxness. It was recommended by my tour guide in Iceland. Laxness is the only Icelander to win the Nobel Prize, and this novel was said to be a great introduction to both him and to Iceland. And it was; I really enjoyed it. I had forgotten my Kindle and so I bought the trade paperback in Reykjavik. That worked out well. If you are reading a Kindle no one asks you what you are reading. A physical book is a conversation starter.  What was the book ultimately about? Sheep. 

— I wondered if I would like a Caribbean cruise where I could be outside. This cruise through frigid weather locales discouraged venturing out. That’s the one cruise experience I’m going to miss; the pool and lounging in the sun and boat drinks.  And then I remembered I hate the Caribbean.  I’m conflicted. 

— Someone said the ship was only two-thirds full. I can’t imagine the ship full. It’s  impossibly crowded as it is. I was told that’s because it’s too cold to be on the outside decks, which totally makes sense. 

— No garbage cans anywhere. I think the idea was that you leave shit everywhere and people clean it up. I can’t do this. So I was constantly carrying garbage back to my room. 

— There were signs on every deck pointing you to destinations but when you get near there wasn’t a sign naming the place to let you know you were there. So I was constantly walking toward places and asking along the way if I’m there yet. Maybe this was intentional, to make you talk to people. 

— The water in my bathroom sink drain gurgled constantly. After my Icelandic airport hotel water disaster this petrified me. 

— The Virgin app was awesome and I used it constantly. It lists the activities and lets you build a daily schedule. It’s a hub for dining reservations. It’s chock full of information. The crew blasts out reminders and updates. You can friend people for scheduling. And it confirms ship time, with all the time zone changes. The only thing it’s missing is friend chat. But that’s what WhatsApp is for. 

— I never quite figured out fore and aft, despite the signs. 

— Most everyone on the ship dressed down; t-shirts, track suits.  I dressed smartly. My whole life I wore baggy black clothes. Jesús got me to take more pride in my appearance; wear clothes that are fitting to my body; have a personal style; wear clothes that have colors; wear casual shoes and casual jackets with casual clothing, and sporty jackets and sporty shoes with sporty clothing; use good cologne; get a facial care routine. He likes me to look good, and he’s right. I now get compliments on my appearance. 

— My cabin was directly below The Galley, the food court that is likely the busiest place on the ship. And yet I never heard a peep. That’s good insulation or design or whatever. 

— Maybe I like my solo travel so that I can deal with people as I encounter them on my own terms, and not be endlessly forced to deal with them on the terms of a shared predetermined social dynamic.  

— Everybody was drinking boat drinks in the frigid weather. Holden Caulfield would be horrified. He explained it so clearly in Catcher In The Rye. Does no one understand winter drinks (brown liquor) vs. summer drinks (clear liquor) anymore?

— All the pampering had a cumulative effect. You started to feel like a Beautiful Special Person. You glanced at yourself often in the ubiquitous and continually polished mirrors. You started looking at the myriad daily beauty activities. To this end, I went to the Cool Sculpting Seminar. Which fortunately for me was canceled. 

— Some random people you saw absolutely constantly. The rest were a blur in the hordes. Like extras in a movie, walking around saying “peas and carrots”. 

— I’ve heard that cruise lines obsessively clean your room several times a day and keep it absolutely immaculate. Virgin cleaned it once a day, very well, kind of like a hotel, and I liked that.

— There seemed to be very few public restrooms, so well hidden that I  rarely found them. 

— Blossom Dearie’s I’m Hip was on the Muzak. That’s some classy Muzak. We used to go see her at Danny’s in NYC, as she was there often and our friend Steven was her caretaker. You might know her from Schoolhouse Rock. She sang a few of them. Unpack Your Adjectives. Figure Eight.  Blossom was followed inexplicably by You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon. And the reverie, the spell is broken. But she had many songs on the Muzak; someone must be a fan. 

— I was variously enjoying myself and wondering why I got myself into this mess. 

— I was told that, for Virgin, there was an uncharacteristically large number of old people on this particular cruise. Like, older than me. Obvs. 

— I tried to spend a little of money in each of these port towns. A lot of people looked at me with blank stares and said why would you buy anything? There’s free food on the ship and I don’t want tchotchkes. Wrong attitude. 

— Never walked by a hand sanitizer without using it. Even if I just did. It was a great shipboard habit and unlike many others I did not get sick. 

— It was either cold or bitterly cold or absolutely freezing for the Icelandic and Greenlandic ports. And as doors on the ship open to the outside and people stubbornly insisted on going to said ports, and going on deck, it was never really warm on the ship either. I’m not generally cold natured but the only refuge was my cabin, where I could control the temperature.  But I tried to resist hibernating in my cabin anyway. 

— Losing track of time is a thing. I never knew which day it was. I’m sure this is by design. Kind of like you never know the time in a casino. 

— I kept up my daily WhatsApp conversation with Felipe, the Colombian I met in Madrid. He did great with his travel, enthusiastically splitting the difference between seeing a lot of places and spending in-depth time. It was great fun vicariously following his adventures, and he was interested in my more sedate voyage as well. It feels like something is building there. 

— Living at altitude gives you infinitely more energy at sea level. I walk around a lot at Cuenca’s 8500 feet, and I don’t feel I need cardio in my life. However, this is the first time in three years I’ve spent any length of time out of altitude. I wonder if I’ll have to readjust. The first trip up my 88 steps from the Tomebamba River, I’ll know. 

— There’s a passage in David Foster Wallace’s cruise essay about how little annoyances magnify over time on a cruise, given that the cruise line is striving for effortless pampering perfection. Halfway through, I understood this. It was a crapshoot every 7am morning opening at The Grounds Club, where I got my day-starting latte. Will they have large cups today? Or will I again be forced to pay the same freight for a small cup? I realized that in perspective, this is insignificant. But I found it interesting, the onboard mental process that brought me to the place where I noticed it and slightly obsessed over it. I tried to shift my focus to the small delightful surprises. This morning at breakfast the cream for the coffee was actual heavy cream and not milk! That sort of thing. 

— I started out worrying about doing everything on the schedule. I ended up not doing a lot of the activities and not seeing a lot of the shows, and not feeling a bit like I was missing something.  The last day, though, having finished my book, I did a lot of activities. I was a finalist in a trivia contest, and then the winner was decided by playing beer pong. I lost. Maybe ask a trivia question?  There was also a talk by one of the Virgin founders, which was interesting. 

NOTABLE OCCURRENCES

— Blast off party for everyone, well, a blast. Very gay. Outside by the pool so probably it’s better attended in warmer climates. Found the solo cruisers group, most of them multiple cruisers. One guy 15 times. Very friendly people, free champagne.

— There was a health screening questionnaire prior to boarding. I said yes to a question as I had a bit of a cough, and some post nasal drip due to the temperature change from Madrid to Reykjavik. Everyone, including I think the doctor they assigned to screen me, thought I’d lost my mind for saying yes. Sorry. I’m honest. I got on board without an issue. 

— First night I went to the 11pm pajama party. I had bought Baby Yoda pjs. I am not a Star Wars fan; they were on sale. But they were a good conversation starter. There were a few people in pjs listening to a live band playing The Cure and The Smiths, but soon enough it was old fart music. Danced with a lady from Italy to Sting’s Quentin Crisp song Englishman In New York, which I love as Kirk knew Quentin. Then I chatted with someone and mentioned that I thought there would be more people in pjs. That’s when I leaned that I wasn’t actually at the pajama party. It was in the big club space adjacent. That club was playing bad ‘80s music. I danced a while, went back to the live music space for a bit, and called it a night. 

— Went to the gym at least every other day and worked out. I liked the gym quite a bit; it had machines that were generally easy to figure out and very effective. Also a lot of variety, and dumbbells too. There was a separate gym with cardio machines, which I could enjoy ignoring. I set up my workout in Gravl, my excellent workout app. I love Gravl; it sends my workout to my watch so I never have to get my phone out. 

— Saw the tail end of the standup comedy show in the Red Room, the large theater space. Jenny Collier. Typical standup. I find that comedians are funnier with live audiences due to the group dynamic. I’m not sure how funny she would have been in a four minute TV talk show slot. 

— Northern lights on deck the third night. Not as good as Iceland but still cool. Yes, I went from “I’ve never seen the northern lights!” to jaded and judgy that quickly. 

— The Diva was a drag queen who was part of The Happenings Cast onboard. The Happenings Cast are a bunch of merrymakers with various backgrounds and specialties. Hype men and women, if you will. The Diva coincidentally hung in the Village in NYC around when I did and, as I discovered after a brief chat, we ran in some of the same circles but didn’t know each other. Her ship show, Around The World With The Diva, was a lot of fun. The show ended with a Lypsinka-like recreation of Julia Sugarbaker’s Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia speech from Designing Women, which was pretty perfect. 

— There was a late afternoon LGBTQ happy hour each day and I usually went. I found it was kind of cliquey.  But it gave me a good opportunity to talk to people around the edges. See “Palm Springs” and “Iowa and Iowa” above.  

— The Miss Behave Show was the stupidest mess of an hour I have spent in ages. And I haven’t laughed so much in ages. I can’t describe well what it is and do it justice. Kind of a chaotic game show. But so incredibly entertaining. One of the games was keep standing until you are the oldest remaining as they ascend through ages. Ralph was 85. God love ya, go Ralph. And Cherry, Miss Behave’s cohost, is the hottest man I have seen in quite a long while.  Although he clearly confused Ralph. 

— Scarlet Night is Virgin’s trademark night of revelry. You wear something red and party all night. There are lots of pop up performances, and all of The Happenings Cast members are hyping everyone like crazy. I wore a black suit with a black shirt and a bright red tie. Most people either put out less effort (red T-shirt) or were more outlandish (lots of sequins). I went to karaoke hosted by The Diva. I sang Creep by Radiohead. When I sing it for karaoke, I change the perspective. People react variously to me telling them they are creeps and asking them what the hell they are doing here and informing them I’m so fucking special and they wish they were special. It would be easy to sing Sweet Caroline and make everyone happy. I enjoy the looks of puzzlement. 

— I paid $40 and played lotería. Jesús, my ex and best friend in Cuenca, frequently hosts a game of lotería at his house and I never miss going, as it’s a blast. He charges 25 cents a game and the winner keeps the pot. It’s basically bingo with pictures. Jesús’s cards are animals, in Spanish. He calls “araña” and if you have a picture of a spider, well, you get the idea. I can have fun and learn some Spanish. On the ship you got the game and a lot of tequila, which is a decent deal. They had a special card targeting millennials. Didn’t win anything but my goodness was it a fun two hours. I’d do that anytime it popped up on the schedule. 

FOOD AND RESTAURANTS 

Virgin ships have food courts in lieu of buffets (ours was The Galley), and a variety of restaurants which require reservations. In general I tried to stick to quality food. Two meals a day, brunch (9am-ish) and dinner (6pm-ish), all in the restaurants. And some selective food court grazing — I liked the ramen and the grab and go bento boxes and the make me a salad place.  There’s plenty of feedbag food if that’s your jam but I mostly avoided what I’m sure were tasty but empty calories. The restaurant food was generally delicious and dependably consistent, and the wait staff perfectly rode the line between elegance and fun. My friend James had encouraged us to make the twice daily reservations and that made eating pleasant as we avoided the crush of people constantly trolling for seats in The Galley. 

— Brunches had a selection of dinner menu items supplemented with more breakfasty benedicts and the like. Eventually I tried just about everything and was never disappointed. A favorite was the vegan hash at The Wake. I added eggs. 

— Dinner 1 at Pink Agave. Mexican, you can have as many dishes as you want. Portions small so 2 apps (enchilada de pollo, esquites which was grilled corn, spicy aioli, lime) entree (vegan chile relleno) and dessert (milhojas) and some foofy tequila drink. My friend group has early 6pm-ish dining times every day, which is early for me but ultimately fine as I’m only eating two meals a day. 

— I bought a bar tab before the trip. $300 plus $50 bonus money. I don’t drink a lot so I’m getting specialty coffees to burn off my balance. 

— I appreciated the variety of food and that everything is smaller manageable portions. Amenable to noshing and grazing and multiple dishes in the restaurants which I liked. It was almost tapas style.

— Dinner 2 at Gunbae Korean BBQ. The server started us off with a drinking game which I won (maybe all that time in college wasn’t wasted after all) and got two free shots of soju, which is kind of like sake but seemed less strong. This place was basically Benihana. Lots of grilled meat and seafood and some obligatory vegetables. I had fun but the others at the shared table were not into it, and wanted a quiet dinner. This is not the restaurant for that. We had a second reservation for here, but this is a one time experience and we swapped out for a second The Test Kitchen experience after their menu changed. 

— Dinner 3 at Extra Virgin, the Italian place. Caesar salad, pork cheeks, ricotta bombolonis for dessert (kind of a fritter), glass of red wine. Solid meal, although I prefer beef cheeks. 

— Dinner 4 at The Galley, the food court that Virgin does in lieu of buffets. I skipped the group dinner (Extra Virgin again) to have more time at the daily LGBTQ mixer.  By the time I got to The Galley the interesting food places were closed and it was feedbag time. Burger (meh) and fries (good). 

— Dinner 5 at The Wake. Bone marrow with toast points (fantastic and the bone was halved lengthwise), NY Strip (mealy) with creamed spinach (great) and green asparagus & guindilla sauce (also great).  Dessert was Meyer lemon cheesecake which was super lemony and really good. Glass of red wine. Except for the steak a very good meal. 

— Dinner 6 at Ariya (Indian). Chickpea soup, veggie kebab, Tandoori ribeye, mango tapioca, glass of red wine. The steak here was much much better than the NY Strip at The Wake, but, then again, a ribeye is a much better steak to start with. But it was drowned in a sauce.  Mental note for the second time there: sauce on the side, unless I get the fish which also looked good.  But certainly my favorite meal thus far. 

— Dinner 7 at The Test Kitchen, a multicourse tasting menu experience. Five courses: first course – corn, truffle oil, corn kernels with 5 spice, popcorn dust; second course substituted for salmon from the vegetarian menu – tofu, umami glaze (the server didn’t know or wouldn’t tell me what that consisted of), broken sauce (same), parsley oil, fresh pickles; third course – shrimp, pasta made with shrimp, codfish, egg white, and heavy cream, garlic, broth; fourth course – lamb, eggplant, red pepper, smoked eggplant, lamb reduction sauce; fifth course – strawberry jam, strawberry marshmallow, white chocolate wasabi, pistachios. White chocolate wasabi in the dessert passed the spontaneous giggle test. They had wine pairings and cocktail pairings and beer pairings but I went with a glass of white to start and a glass of red with the lamb. We had a second reservation here but they have a third menu variation so I added a third reservation. 

— Dinner 8 back at Extra Virgin. I got the upgrade menu for $35. First course charred octopus with purple cauliflower, Kalamata grape relish, and charred lemon. This was probably the best pulpo I’ve ever had. It sliced like buttah and was not chewy in the slightest. Paired with a cocktail with Aquavit, cucumber, and fennel. Main course lamb shank osso buco with risotto and pomegranate seeds. Also outstanding. Paired with a Negroni with strawberry and tequila. Dessert was a lemon polenta cake paired with a limoncello and vodka cocktail. The upgrade was totally worth it as the food was great and I got a cheap three cocktail nicely tipsy head start on Scarlet Night. 

— About three-quarters of the way through the cruise I discovered the poke bowls. Unfortunately to get them, you had to go into the elements to the Sun Club, outdoors on deck. So you had to bundle up to get a taste of sunny Hawaii. And often, outdoor decks were closed when it was too cold or windy. So I donned a couple of jackets and grabbed them when I could. I took advantage of decent weather at our St. John’s port and ate one on deck, so at least I got a sample of what a warm weather cruise would be like. 

— Dinner 9 back at The Wake. Clam chowder, hangar steak, twice baked potato, creamed spinach, Meyer lemon cheesecake. The hangar steak had the sauce on the side. Definitely the best pure steak experience. 

— Dinner 10 back at Ariya, the Indian restaurant.  Short rib naan (mostly bread and scant short rib, meh), lamb shank, key lime pie, two glasses of pinot noir.  Except for the meh starter, a really good meal and, setting aside the experimental Test Kitchen which was unique, Ariya was my favorite of the regular restaurants. 

— Dinner 11 at The Test Kitchen for the second of the three menus.  Five courses: first course – eel, panna cotta, sweet onion dashi sauce, tuile with aquafaba and seaweed; second course – smoked applewood scallops, Asian pears, pickled cucumber, black garlic, served under a dome with smoke; third course – cheese tart (Brie, goat, bleu), tart made with charcoal and quinoa, porcini mushroom, berries, served with an onion tart; fourth course – roast chicken, layered chicken and chicken sausage, mashed potatoes (potatoes, spinach, asparagus purée), asparagus; fifth course – Yuzu lemon, salted whipped cream, meringue, cookies. Glass of white wine, glass of rosé with the chicken. Another spontaneous giggle and this one surprised me; it was the meringue on the dessert. Tiny leaves that I expected to be crunchy like meringue, but were actually so thin that they just flavorfully melted away. 

— Dinner 12 back at Pink Agave. Tortilla soup, ribeye steak with a mole sauce, potatoes with chorizo. Good steak. 

— Dinner 13 and final back at The Test Kitchen for the last menu variation. Five courses: first course – four mushrooms in a cream (portobello, porcini, mushroom powder, and a Japanese mushroom) and button mushroom jelly, served with toast; second course – egg yolk, peas, sturgeon caviar; third course – scallop, ham, seaweed, chicken stock, kale; fourth course – venison, blueberries, beet, beef and venison sauce, dark chocolate, layered potatoes on the side; fifth course – chocolate white chocolate almond cookie, cocoa powder, almond, coconut, strawberry. Venison was very good but the chocolate on it didn’t convince me. Overall a good meal but no spontaneous giggles. 

PORTS OF CALL

The good thing about this cruise is that we visited some places, especially Greenland, that I’d probably not otherwise have visited. The negative is that it’s a drive by. Would a few days in Nuuk have given me a perspective I didn’t get in my limited hours there? How would I feel about a drive by in, say, Rome? Or Istanbul? Certainly cruises are great for sampling a place to see if you want to return. And great for those for whom traveling is a checklist of “places I’ve been.”  I think I’m still falling off the fence on the side of slow travel to fewer places. Traveling for me isn’t about a checklist or a souvenir, it’s about meeting people and striving for more understanding of local culture. That takes time. 

Isafjordur, Iceland was the first port of call. Sunny but chilly. I had resolved to spend a bit in local shops, but there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to spend a little money. Mostly people offering tours. There was a lake and I thought I might walk around it. It was longer than it looked. Google Maps said six hours. Back on the ship after a casual two hour walkabout. 

Qaqortoq, Greenland was the second stop. They didn’t have a cruise ship dock so we tendered in. You were supposed to make a reservation time, which I did, but it didn’t seem to be enforced. Early on I ran into Kew Gardens in a gift shop.  So we rambled together, bought souvenirs, checked out grocery stores, and chatted.  Much more interesting than Isafjordur. 

Nuuk, Greenland, the third stop. No tenders, but shuttle buses upon disembarking that took you closer in. Very nice wooden boardwalk along the water. The usual shops and museums. Got some things, bought a coffee.  Started out with people from my WhatsApp group but we drifted apart, having different agendas. It was bitterly cold and a bit windy, and I braved it for a couple of hours before calling it a day. 

St John’s, Newfoundland was the first of two Canadian ports. Before I got there I had a dim view of the place, as they are one of the few places in the world to have a half hour time difference. So I had to set my clock back…a half hour? What fresh hell is that? Then I was chatting with someone and they were so excited to be visiting one of the few places in the world to have a half hour time difference. Fine, perspective, whatever. I got with the program. For me St. John’s was marginally better than Reykjavik but basically the area around the port was shops and restaurants. It ended up being more about getting things done. One of my traveling companions needed to buy insulin so part of the day was chasing that down. And then we went to Starbucks, me for the WiFi. Free shipboard WiFi is limited and I had some online tasks. Travel, unfortunately, has gears that occasionally need oiling. Maybe, like Iceland, I’d have liked it better with more time to explore farther afield. 

Halifax, Nova Scotia was the second Canadian port.  It was more convenient than St. John’s; there was a nicely developed waterfront area immediately adjacent to the cruise port. And it honestly seemed less touristy, like locals might actually go there. Probably at night, but still. I went with my friends to the Canadian Immigration Museum, which was informative, interesting, and upfront about their historical truths. Also walked away from the harbor and to a local shopping area. Had a Tim Hortons iced coffee which for me was indistinguishable from Dunkin Donuts.  I spent more time off the ship here than anywhere else, and more money too. Genuinely liked Halifax. 

New York City was the final port of call. Specifically, the Brooklyn cruise port. I reserved a shuttle from there to Newark Airport, which is a few miles from Glen Ridge, where the family of my godson Zane lives. Having lost nearly all my known blood relatives, I count them as my family now. I decompressed and reflected for a few days with them, before my direct flight JFK to Guayaquil and home to Cuenca on a buseta.

SEA DAYS 

We never had more than two sea days in a row. I don’t think I’d like a cruise with many more in a row. With everyone on board ship, the milling crowds were inescapable. Sea days had lots of activities but I found that, as the cruise wore on, I did fewer and fewer of them, as more and more of them seemed to be shopping and beauty events. I liked my book time, and on sea days it was hard to find a quiet spot to read. So, in spite of myself, on many sea days I would spend late afternoons in my cabin, alternately dozing and reading, and feeling vaguely guilty for being holed up. Sea days for me often were gym days, even though those were the days when the gym with weights was most crowded.  The cardio machines were elsewhere, which helped. 

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And in the end, I gave it a good try, and came full circle. I was more my own best friend and for that I’m thankful. For me, though, cruise ships are more about the conveyance and less about the destinations. And I’m more interested in the destinations. I can honestly see the attraction for people. If I did go again it would definitely be on Virgin.  Cruises totally for adults with no kids, with an undercurrent of gay sensibility. On that aspect, I’m sold. Maybe when I’m 85 and Ralph, I’ll feel differently. But for now…

this is a mostly fun thing I’ll likely not do again.